i barely write anymore. or did i ever? i barely play music. my violin is nothing but a dusty mess. sitting in front of the piano frustrates me, i play nothing new. school is nothing special, especially not this semester; everyone's gone, but its not a big deal. i hate being home when i know i should be going somewhere. not necessarily to a girls night out or whatsoever just somewhere, anywhere i will be of good use. in fact i wish i had work to do tonight, just for the sake of doing something useful and productive. yet i am unable of all those things categorized as productive. not because i am too lazy to. but because for the first time in my life, i feel like i simply am not capable of doing things. if you say i am, then i'll say i'm not good enough and i don't know what to do about it. i tried, believe me i did, i have hundreds of unfinished writings. trying to write more only frustrates me even more. blah. tried writing songs, i stopped half way through every piece and forgot all the keys and lyrics to it after a few more uninspiring days. oh yes i work, i have this internship thing going on, but honestly, it sucks and i'm unhappy. thank God for Friends. it doesn't take the brains to do my job, anyone with enough patience (surprise! surprise! i am patient) and good eyes (which i dont have) to scan through 10 different news papers every morning can do it. oh and about reading, i have not been reading as much as i used to. that, i dont even know why. the last book i read, i took me months to finish. 3 months to be exact. just finished that last week. Shite. what the fuck is wrong with me. "we all have those moments" or so i've heard. really? screw you. -___-
oh and GOODNEWS! i'm graduating in a few months. 3 or probably 4 months. how exiting, eh? no it's not. it is not. i am unprepared and something else i won't say.
P.S i feel like such a freak. haha. as crazy as it seems, i just had to let it out, somewhere, online. because on offline, it's all about pretending. and i will never say.
2 Comments:
Hey you. =D Well, yeah, we all have these "moments". We were at the gym last Thursday and all we could think of was "DAMN... Its quite boring without Creez."
You've had a great 2 weeks here. You got to the top of your thrill, and now everything's going back to normal.. Kinda sucks but yeah, life had to go on.. T.T Kinda wish you could've stayed longer.
Well, there's still Feb to look forward to right. haha. Its not so far away is it? So till then, keep your spirits up. And know we're always thinking of you. Hope you get out of your slump soon!
Take care and cheer up aite! Missing you a lot. Counting the days till you get here again. hahaha, maybe its my turn to be surprised... xD
you can scream anything to me, you know. not expecting me to give any big wise solution, just try to listen. sini peluk.
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