I cannot recall the last time i truly deeply meaningfully commit myself to resolutions, be it a new year's or a birthday's or any other occasions people like to make resolutions on. I've never been one to trust myself with promises i know well i would never keep regardless the urgency or importance of it. Daily exercises, carbs cut-down, less virtual world time and more real world activities, studying, stopping the bad habit of procrastination, and the list goes on and on.
But at the end of January, exactly on the 31st, i had dinner with a very good friend of mine. the very good friend of mine. We then talked over the things we've done during that first month of supposedly new purposes, fresh ideas, fresh beginnings, and all that shit people say New Years are about. The way we've treated ourselves, people, and basically just 2010.
We have attempted to make music. Yes i have chosen to stick with the word 'attempted' which basically refers to our failure of doing so. We have also attempted to exercise and chose to do swimming, which is my personal favorite. But really, how much weight does one get to lose (or health to gain?) from a 'regular' once a week swimming which is as regularly followed by a nasi-mun-tahu feast at the ever blessed Over Rice restaurant. The name of the restaurant itself sounds like the perfect place to start a diet, don't you think? Oh, another 'productive' attempt was to create a blog we would both write in about different random topics (no, it's not as gay as it sounds) ... and as far as i know, HTML has worn me out. Haven't found just the right layout for it just yet. And so there goes... Another productive plan on hold.
What a night it was, to look back on January and remember how much we have, well, failed before even starting the year. It isn't even just about me and this good friend of mine. I have quite a number of personal goals that may have well evaporated into thin air somewhere between the last hours of 2009 and 2010. For all i know, I went weeks (after new year) without touching not even one of the 3 musical instruments i have been equipped with for years (though the ukulele is quite new). Weeks without sufficient sleep. Weeks without proper diet and a messed up eating schedule. Weeks without touching Elizabeth Arden's Eat Pray Love i started reading somewhere in November last year! In fact, weeks without reading anything. Not even the news paper--oh the irony (it's an inside joke it's ok if you didn't get that). Of course all the superficial excuses will always readily fit into the big picture of self-failure but where will that get me?
So that night, we talked and winced to the dull fact of how we have more than successfully squandered the first 31 days of the year. We laughed at the (rather beautiful) mess we have made out of January and eflected on the things to keep/throw out the window. We then pretty much concluded that the New Year is really a state of mind. It isn't so much about the countdowns, good music, crowds, pretty fireworks, drinks, foods, or laughs. It goes way deeper than just that new dress and pair of shoes you wear. It isn't so much about the last day of the year. Rather the sweet realization of the things in your life that need may improvements; those hours, minutes, even seconds staring back at you waiting to be handled with care as much as wisdom.
So that evening, over glorified sushi and chicken katsu curry, we decided to cross out January from the year 2010 and re-celebrate New Year.
And so I've been practicing my violin. Even though my fingers hurt from practicing. Or from months of not practicing. I hope this doesn't just stay as an 'attempt' that will sooner or later fade into oblivion.
So, Happy New year, mate! Oh and i'm, what, 2 days late?
0 Comments:
Post a Comment